Often we ask others about their past relationships but are we ready for the answers? Why does one want to hear about the past and not respect the feelings behind or associated with those.

Is it not true that most of us want to know what happened?  But don’t really bother on why those things happened. I wonder most of the time, is it necessary to know what happened Coz past is past. It ain’t coming back. Can’t we let it be secret, somewhere closed in our memories, in our thoughts.

I went so deep into thinking and somewhere i got lost and couldn’t remember how my thoughts had led me to this question “Should anyone have any secrets to himself ?”. People have secrets because either they don’t want to face truth or they are embarrassed by the fact or too worried thinking of what will happen if others come to know.

It is clear from life experienced up till now that we all have a choice to make.  Whatever we choose reflects our personality..

I know this article is very random and it’s not making sense to me at all. Started with things about past, then got lost somewhere only to get more confused and return to secrets and then the conclusion was even more strange moving onto “choice”

If only i wasn’t lazy so as to write down at that moment, things would have been much clearer to me and to all of you. For a long time now, I have been trying to put words to thoughts, the most difficult part is that even before one completes the sentence you forget what you had thought.

It would be great if you could add somethings to make this post clearer. Things like how could I have jumped from one point to another.

So please feels free to comment..

In today’s busy schedule everyone is busy with their own challenges and in the bargain we hardly have any time to appreciate a good work done by others.

In less than fifteen minutes after checking in, my friend would have picked up the phone at least four time and blasted the hotel staff in front office, bell desk and room service. And all this for some silly reasons like why my bag has still not come, why the coffee has not yet been sent. I was wondering what went wrong with him and that’s when he clarifies that he had learnt a trick that works very well. He explained, “As soon as you check in at a hotel if you find some reason and fire them then they will provide special attention throughout your stay.” It was true and for the next two days he was getting ‘Royal’ Treatment wherever he went in the hotel. And finally, when he was checking out the duty manager promptly came to him and was enquiring if everything was fine in a very apologetic way. I could see my friend blushing at the treatment given to him. I am sure one would have seen a sigh of relief in staff’s face after my friend’s departure. For a moment I put myself in the shoes of the hotel staff. How miserable I would feel handling even a few customers day in, day out. If we look beyond their stylish dressing and flashy smile, I am sure, we will find a lot of agony.

A few weeks later I had a totally contrasting experience. I was traveling by air with a senior doctor. Minutes before the flight landed, the air-hostess extended a feedback form and requested me to give my feedback. I, as usual took less than a second to say “No”. She thanked me and extended the form to the doc. As soon as she left he asked me “Are you unhappy with the service provided by the crew?” I said, “Oh no! Why should I be unhappy?” He further enquired, “Then why should you not express your satisfaction through the feedback form.” Pat came my reply “Well, I am not used to all this, I normally do not feel like doing it.”

He then said,  “In today’s busy schedule everyone is busy with their own challenges and in the bargain we hardly have any time to appreciate a good work done by others. These are the opportunities where, in less than five minutes, I can pen down a few words of appreciation for someone who did a good job. It may not be a great value add for me, but imagine the huge positive impact it can make on the crew when they get to read a positive feedback about them. To me, that is of paramount importance.”

By reflex my hand went up to press the help button and asked the air-hostess to get a feedback form. That was probably the first time I was filling a feedback form with honesty. I am sure they liked it and they are looking forward for bringing me on board next time.

Since then, I make conscious efforts to give at least a few words of appreciation to whoever I meet. I could notice a genuine, happy smile on people’s face when I give them those few words of appreciation. It is really a great experience. I may not be get the ‘royal’ treatment my friend gets, but whatever I get I know is the ‘real’ treatment and I enjoy every moment of that.

A magical expression

Appreciation – I realized that this one small magical expression is so powerful and giving that to others not only makes the receiver happy, but looking at the receivers’ response the giver feels really wonderful..

Off lately there have been many incidents that have made me think and to a level that i have never ever thought about. One of which was my bro’s engagement party. I was in a big fix WHOM DO I INVITE?? A

This was a very difficult thing for me because i have always been poor in prioritizing thing or making lists i want to have best of both the worlds. And that’s  probably the reason i keep pushing things to last minute so that the decision can be delayed.

One more thing i can never do is say “NO”. Cannot see people around me unhappy cause of a ‘NO’ from me. However because of circumstances one has to be strong and adamant and say a ‘NO’ or putting in a better way its not NO, its just a choice.

With this definitely people will get unhappy but then friends will understand. This was a perfect solution and with this aim i decided to invite few friends. The list kept of growing. The more i thought the more confusion. And my mind came up with these things “I can’t help it, it’s not my engagement“ “He/she didnt invite me why should i” to run away from the guilt. Which i eventually managed to.

After the engagement had passed my guilt came back to haunt. Thoughts like

• Why didnt u invite him/her?.
• He/She is feeling real bad about this and has stopped talking to me
• How do i apologize?

I recollected a small incident at that time.  One of my close friend could not invite me to meets his niece due to some reason of his. Instead of understanding him i felt angry “how can he forget me?”.

He called me. And from my voice he sensed it. He was quick to apologize. Suddenly i felt good. Was that sorry so important for me? I feel SHIT abt me if it was. Luckily for me he understood my feelings. And now i thank him. Later we meet our weekend and things were the same again

When i recollected this i felt very bad myself. I Wanted to apologies to him. For not understanding his situation. But as people say “At times is always good to leave the things in past“.  We always want to get what we have given(for E.g:- I am the one always calling, but u dont take my calls, dont message me..not fair) and thinking abt it…

Irealized that

One should not think of what has happened, but why has that happened “Its not about NO, Its about understanding why NO”. Its very difficult to look at things from others point of view but its important to make an effort to think from his view.

I dont know if i will follow this and behave like GYAN has struck me. But definitely shall be more practical and open.

One thing is for sure i will try not to expect back things just because i have given something. Expecting things back is not wrong but just because u gave him doesnt mean he should give it to you.

P.S: In case i have hurt any of YOU(my friends) and failed to understand you. I am sorry.

PS: I know its not required but i still cant stop feeling guilty about not inviting people. So incase if i had called you for the party,  i am sure u will understand me!

Thanks

Take care

No, no, really, hear me out. Animals don’t have the same problem because, hey, face it, no matter how much your dog chases balls in his sleep, he’s not dreaming about how great life would be if something were a little different. He’s okay, really, with his schedule-scratch, eat, sleep. How wrong could you go with that? He’s not in line for promotion and there isn’t this list of things he wants to get done before he’s 25, because he will be a lucky dog if he lives to see sixteen.

Now people, since we evolved from cavemen and all, have issues. We tend to think that if so-and so (or such-and-such) were totally different our lives would be perfect. How many times have so many of us said ‘It’s not fair!’ or     ‘why (not) me?’ Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get a chance to make that change, live your fantasy as it were. And still, nine times out of ten, it’s not enough. It’s never blood enough. We’re greedy as a species, and at the same time a little pathetic because, well, we’re always searching for something or the other outside of our everyday lives. And, really who are the people we admire? We admire movie stars. People who seem to have their shit together. And who makes the most money? Plastic surgeons, for one, and therapists. And, again people in the entertainment industry. Anyone who makes reality look a little less real. True story.

You want one thing , you work hard (beg, borrow steal) and get that thing. But as soon as its clear u are getting it you start searching for what’s next? Instead of enjoying. We all want perfect lives. But let me remind  that “No system is perfect in this world”. Every plus has a minus. That’s a rule for anything. PROBABLY ONLY RULE WITHOUT EXCEPTION.

Now only way to bring peace in your life is cry less and enjoy more. I know its impossible not to cry, cause common lets face it. We are a FUCKING JEALOUS species. We want what others are having. And it should be like that. Else imagine a world without DREAMS. So keep DREAMING. but when u achieve that dream. ENJOY IT…

Waiting for comments.

Take care

I am in a situation where in i am stopping myself from wat i wanna tell a particular person i actually do not care wat ppl will say after i tell him/her a thing but then y am i hesitating i am really really confused re well there was a time wen i used to be least bothered abt anything then came the time where in i felt i have the right to know everything now i feel am i poking my nose and hence i back off..

I know its very vague post but lots of things going on in my mind,mixed feelings,confused thoughts,restlessness n wat not i really dunno wats ahead. Every morning i hope that today ill start fresh but the aftermaths of wat happened the earlier days prevent me to do so, now i feel like forget abt achieving the aim im soon gone loose the sight of it also soon n with the fear of doing this im running hard to get closer to it well at times i feel im runing after an illusion

thats it4 now who ever is reading plz post the comments it might help me out..
bye 4 now

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ‘s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ‘ s house . Medha Patkar and Tan Shyamoli goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Rath’. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ‘ Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ‘ [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation’ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services. The Ant; fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it ‘ A Triumph of Justice ‘. Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice’. CPM calls it the ‘Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden’. Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly. Many years later The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley. 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India …. because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!

Though hilarious, I can emphathize with the Ant of this story.. Now just me..there would be thousands others is a similar situation because the SC decided to upheld the OBC quota implementation and that too just one day before the IIM comes up with the final offers. I wont make this post longer by discussing how bad (for the country at large) or how good (for the OBC’s) or how effective is this new law coz that has been all said soo many times already, but thinking about all of this has answered so many questions for which I didn have commensurate reasons earlier.

Amazing article not written by me.

My grand pa was very ill during the month’s may-June. Long sleepless nights, uneasiness, pain. Sugar problem, heart problem sever back pain had lost interest in food; television and every single thing that we associated him with had been lost.
We took him to hospital in august not very sure with the dates. Doctors esp. his heart surgeon had already told us that he is on very thin line. His heart has enlarged and is not working up. His kidney is under lot of pressure. Salts like Na, K are in huge quantities in his body.

The hospital authorities had told us that they are giving and doing their best possible medication and treatment. And even if he comes out of this dangerous situation his life will not be normal like before. Strict diet charts, lot of medicines, continuous monitoring. Imagine food with sugar and salt. YUCK. Since his kidney was under pressure less proteins. The dietitian had given a long chart with timing of what to eat at what time.

I don’t know whether it was miracle or destiny but he came out of the danger. He recovered with such a speed and to such levels that none could imagine. He did his work with his own hands eating, peeing, shit, bathing. Doing the puja to god. Watching television-strictly only few things like CID, sanskar channel. But his favorite was Dordarshan News.

He became so fine that we, family members became a little careless I must say.
After diwali, suddenly one fine day his health became weak. Vomiting s due to some reason still unknown. My uncle and dad realized that things would become worse and decided to take him to hospital. We took him to hospital on Thursday 20th Nov 2008. When we took him he was talking to us. The in charge doctor asked us “why have you bought him” his conditions is very stable nothing much to worry. Luckily the doc who was NIGHT in charge was his patient so he came down and checked. On checking we realized that his heartbeat was 20 beats per min. It was an emergency. They immediately gave him life saving injections and put an artificial pace maker.
While all this was going on we-my family was quite confident that he would come back. He recovered well atleast I felt so. I meet him on Monday he was talking very fine. Asked me everything abt exams, and even talked about NEWS. My heart was dancing.

On Tuesday night I met him at 9.30pm.cos of my sister she asked me to take blessing from granddad for the exam she had. (A relationship that we enjoyed). He again spoke well. I asked him how are u he replied I am fine. Then he asked me when are we going back home I said 2-3 days. He got angry and said he would die even if he was kept one more day.

I somehow overlooked or didn’t panic after that we sang bhajan together. Rituals that he is being doing from don’t know when. A bhajan of god. He then said jai shri Krishna. And smiled I bowed down to take his blessings. I spoke to nurse she said nothing serious but then I don’t know why she asked me would anyone be staying over in the night. She asked me to leave a contact no. And even asked the car no.

Dad got a call 5 am and they said his heartbeat was low and dying and then his soul left his body. I don’t know why but I feel he knew that he is dying.

There where two incidents
one that he told me that he didn’t want to live
and another about the nurse asking contact no. (I was there for 3 previous nights they never asked me anything)
I still don’t know whether they were indications or just mere coincidences.

In the meanwhile after watching the movie DASVIDANIYA today. I realized something.
That he recovered (after august health problem) so well. He came back to complete some works from his wish list

he celebrated diwali with us
he gave dan-charity to many places that I also don’t know.
He taught me and inspired me to read my mother tongue Gujrathi
He gave blessings to everyone
and most importantly HE WANTED A PEACEFUL DEATH.

All of these events have really moved me and I have decided to make my list of

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

I don’t know if I will be able to even make the list cos there are so many things to do. Somehow i relate myself to role played by vinay pathakin the movie “dasvidaniya”. May be cos “self-pity”

Dust can never be cleaned it can only be transfered from one place to another.

None the less I have completely changed and now when i think about it feels a lil sad cos i feel no joy, no excitment any more…

Its bad new for vodafone as my phone bill has being going down month by month, i hardly talk or message.

Life is asking me so many questions these days and i am currently searching for answers………….

Last sunday when i read this article in TOI almost found answer to some of my questions…………………

Its amazing how human adaptability works as a wonderfull tool..we adapt to anything and everything in between birth and death. we may greive, pine, be shocked, hearthbroken, or convinced things will never be the same again.

How many times dont u say to urself its just for some time after that life will become normal but that normal means adapting to the situation.( I am sure many of US/India frnds think that way)

Life goes on, tears give away to smiles, shock to compromise and refusal to a grudging acceptance….The wistfulness regarding the loss of things of life can almost be as painfull as the bigger losses, and yet we adapt to every circumstance–most often, because we have no choice, but sometimes because we choose to move on.

 I could never imagine my house without my grand mom, she was the whole and soul of the family amazing lady( will post some other time abt her). Its more than a year and a half since she left us..and not much has changed though we all miss her but we adapt to the change

The comfort of childhood ( hum jab choote the kitna aram tha, no tension, no nothing.. everyone want to get back to those days),

sticky swetness of candies( those choco’s and candys..outside our school there was a person selling mangoes(raw) we used to call it keri(mamidikay in telugu) sold at 25pcs each peice, as a remember this i can still feel the taste), the peaceful quiet of school church, whispered nothings between friends, mom’s warmly scented hug at the doorway, the first bi-cycle ride..and many such events–are all still there but we have adapted ourselves to outgrow them.

Then there are things we cant always do much about. The loss of loved ones, cruelty around us, crimes of passion and hatred

(my mind boggles at the no. of murders that are happening plus to add to it the media. A huge cry uproar when body parts of children were found at maninder’s house, protests, police, media, protest, this that..no one even talks abt it now everything is calm and quiet, except for those who lost their loved ones,

latest incidents like chopping of a human (Mr. grover) into 300 peices..what shocks me is not that he was choped but by the press statement by syenrgy adlabs  “He was not working on sarkjar raj”. Have these people goone mad or something…. 

Other day in the neighbourhood kid was asking it was so innocent..”mama why are they arresting that person, he is a father, how can he kill his daughter?”questions tat are very difficult to anwser)..

And yet, give it a few days and the mind starts accepting as a reality the most horrifying crimes.

Dude qutoa’s are getting implemented..huge strikes..this, tat and wat all not..and now we all forget. i am not blaming anyone but just pointing out that we adapt ourselves to the environment.

How strange na and that is when i realized that when i say “missing u frnd” to a frnd far away whom i really miss..though he understands and responds also but that adaptabilty to him makes a difference. This answered one of the major questions in my life. That people dont ignore me or have forgotten about me its just that they have got busy in their life and once i also get busy i will no longer miss them..though i will remember them, but tat missing will not be there doesnt mean that i hav e forgotten them!!!

The fear of people forgetting you is horrible than people actually forgetting u( Hope u understood) cos if u ask other person have u forgoten me, how could u forget my birthday etc..they send a shocker reply..cos they have not forgotten u but just tat they dont remember u that often..Remembering and forgeting are different things and complicated.Doesnt make sense??its a little difficult..dont read again if you dont understand..

 There are soo many things i wanted to tell but i dont have words neither i am cleared off as to exactly how to tell all i knew that i wanted to write abt how well we adapt and its not that we forget things we just dont remember it tat often.

hope this makes some sense to people reading.

 signing off

chao