pondering life….

life thru my eyes..

Archive for October, 2008

I am COWARD

Posted by Madhuresh on October 10, 2008

My phone went “chupke se kahin dheme paon se…. phir kaise keh diya alvida”
It was my sister “Where are you? When are you coming home? Do one thing get
one medium tomato cheese pizza from softy den everyone here is hungry. If
you want you also eat something and don’t worry I will pay for it later” I
replied “ok but I will take sometime around an hour (That time I was in Mc-D
eating Mc-veggie)” hoping that she would go by herself and get the pizza.
However she replied, “we are waiting”. Now I was trapped in my own net
and would have to go else she would tell dad.
           Me along with my friend went to softy den, we both were
discussing about someone in college and I was in my own dream world
before I realized we had reached so had to disc break. The bike just
kissed bumper of another bike standing there, generally I say sorry
but this time I don’t know why but didn’t maybe cos he was throwing glares
at me as if we
had banged and broken the bumper apart in two parts (wish that would have
happen).

He: “kya dekh ke nahin chala sakta re andhe”(Cant you see and drive you
blind)

I: “kya hua re kaiko itna feeling dera. Kya tere saath aise kabhi nahi hua
kya be”(What happened why are u feeling so much for it? Something of this
sort would have happened to you)

 He: “hua re par mere me guts they bolne ko”(It happened but I had guts to
talk)

I: “mere pass bhi hai guts bolne ko” (I can also reply)

The very Next moment I felt something on my back. He hit me and was now
holding my shirt “kya guts hai tere ko? Bata ab tere guts bata?”(What guts
do you have show them)

I got down from my bike removed my helmet and then didn’t hit him back
surprising instead was trying to talk to him meanwhile all his friends there
had come and had started creating a scene. One more shot “phoood” went my
ear I was defending had my hands covering my face but still didnt hit
back. I had a strange feeling and wanted to run away from that place.
Luckily a aunty came and stopped it all. Without telling anything we
went inside, ordered pizza took the bill came out, took out my bike
went for a round around the place looking through my cell phone for
people whom I
could call I wanted to take revenge but not fight (strange na)

What had happened here was peculiar and strange, you must be wondering
whats so peculiar? The reason is Hardly 6 years ago at the same place
I had my own gang and was gang’s leaders right hand. We had many
fights there!!!
Then what had happened to me today? And why didn’t I hit back? Why? Had I
become a coward or my thinking had change suddenly? After thinking for
hour’s abt it I found that ” I was, am and will always be afraid. Yes afraid
of going against the system, always compromising and “take it lite”
attitude.” Yes I had been in fights earlier as right hand but personally
wasn’t in any fight, saw them happening, I was in charge of calling people
and never hit anyone till now.”

 Many a times had imagined myself in Rang de basanti going against the
system ready to fight, fight for justice for the truth and for my friends. I
was never the kind rather thought that I wasn’t a person who would sit back
and take things, as they would come. But what happened recently has kept me
wondering as to whether I can be the one who dares to Change the system.

Continuing with the story I decided not to call anyone and make it a big
issue (though I wanted to call pavan, kalyan, ani, som, abhishek and many
other frnds). After 2 mins went to take the delivery and there I saw all
those guys sitting inside with girls. We went and sat exactly opposite to
them & that felt good. Then my friend Pramod who spoke to one from their
group he came to our table and started talking. Before he could say anything
I told him “if I want I can call many ppl but wont cos u know that you ppl
did wrong today I got it someday you also will. Also Every time you come
here u will see my face and it will hunt you forever”. He wanted to talk for
a while but I told straight I am not interested. The girls sitting in front
were talking to main villain after sometime all of them came and said “Sorry
bhaiya girl friend ka tension tha”. I said ok then started thinking,
 are girls so dumb or they just pretend to be. How can a guy like that have a
girl and she was pretty Ok.

     Anyways at the end of the day felt happy had done Some “Gandhigiri”. I won
but I lost. Should I have banged him (1 shot would have been enough for
him). Learnt that I am a coward and need of hour is to be fit both physically
and mentally.

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