pondering life….

life thru my eyes..


Posted by Madhuresh on December 10, 2008

It’s strange!! Recent events have made me think and write an article. Its been long since i wrote and i was finding it very difficult to write, though there were many things that i wanted to write but i had lost the focus. Thanks to DASVIDANIYA my mind started and i have got back.

My grand pa was very ill during the month’s may-June. Long sleepless nights, uneasiness, pain. Sugar problem, heart problem sever back pain had lost interest in food; television and every single thing that we associated him with had been lost.
We took him to hospital in august not very sure with the dates. Doctors esp. his heart surgeon had already told us that he is on very thin line. His heart has enlarged and is not working up. His kidney is under lot of pressure. Salts like Na, K are in huge quantities in his body.

The hospital authorities had told us that they are giving and doing their best possible medication and treatment. And even if he comes out of this dangerous situation his life will not be normal like before. Strict diet charts, lot of medicines, continuous monitoring. Imagine food with sugar and salt. YUCK. Since his kidney was under pressure less proteins. The dietitian had given a long chart with timing of what to eat at what time.

I don’t know whether it was miracle or destiny but he came out of the danger. He recovered with such a speed and to such levels that none could imagine. He did his work with his own hands eating, peeing, shit, bathing. Doing the puja to god. Watching television-strictly only few things like CID, sanskar channel. But his favorite was Dordarshan News.

He became so fine that we, family members became a little careless I must say.
After diwali, suddenly one fine day his health became weak. Vomiting s due to some reason still unknown. My uncle and dad realized that things would become worse and decided to take him to hospital. We took him to hospital on Thursday 20th Nov 2008. When we took him he was talking to us. The in charge doctor asked us “why have you bought him” his conditions is very stable nothing much to worry. Luckily the doc who was NIGHT in charge was his patient so he came down and checked. On checking we realized that his heartbeat was 20 beats per min. It was an emergency. They immediately gave him life saving injections and put an artificial pace maker.
While all this was going on we-my family was quite confident that he would come back. He recovered well atleast I felt so. I meet him on Monday he was talking very fine. Asked me everything abt exams, and even talked about NEWS. My heart was dancing.

On Tuesday night I met him at 9.30pm.cos of my sister she asked me to take blessing from granddad for the exam she had. (A relationship that we enjoyed). He again spoke well. I asked him how are u he replied I am fine. Then he asked me when are we going back home I said 2-3 days. He got angry and said he would die even if he was kept one more day.

I somehow overlooked or didn’t panic after that we sang bhajan together. Rituals that he is being doing from don’t know when. A bhajan of god. He then said jai shri Krishna. And smiled I bowed down to take his blessings. I spoke to nurse she said nothing serious but then I don’t know why she asked me would anyone be staying over in the night. She asked me to leave a contact no. And even asked the car no.

Dad got a call 5 am and they said his heartbeat was low and dying and then his soul left his body. I don’t know why but I feel he knew that he is dying.

There where two incidents
one that he told me that he didn’t want to live
and another about the nurse asking contact no. (I was there for 3 previous nights they never asked me anything)
I still don’t know whether they were indications or just mere coincidences.

In the meanwhile after watching the movie DASVIDANIYA today. I realized something.
That he recovered (after august health problem) so well. He came back to complete some works from his wish list

he celebrated diwali with us
he gave dan-charity to many places that I also don’t know.
He taught me and inspired me to read my mother tongue Gujrathi
He gave blessings to everyone
and most importantly HE WANTED A PEACEFUL DEATH.

All of these events have really moved me and I have decided to make my list of


I don’t know if I will be able to even make the list cos there are so many things to do. Somehow i relate myself to role played by vinay pathakin the movie “dasvidaniya”. May be cos “self-pity”

Dust can never be cleaned it can only be transfered from one place to another.


One Response to “BEFORE I DIE!!!!”

  1. sagarika said

    Hi Madhu,
    Very emotional and touching post da. Really made me think!

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