pondering life….

life thru my eyes..

Retrospection…

Posted by Madhuresh on April 30, 2009

Hi,

Off lately there have been many incidents that have made me think and to a level that i have never ever thought about. One of which was my bro’s engagement party. I was in a big fix WHOM DO I INVITE?? A

This was a very difficult thing for me because i have always been poor in prioritizing thing or making lists i want to have best of both the worlds. And that’s  probably the reason i keep pushing things to last minute so that the decision can be delayed.

One more thing i can never do is say “NO”. Cannot see people around me unhappy cause of a ‘NO’ from me. However because of circumstances one has to be strong and adamant and say a ‘NO’ or putting in a better way its not NO, its just a choice.

With this definitely people will get unhappy but then friends will understand. This was a perfect solution and with this aim i decided to invite few friends. The list kept of growing. The more i thought the more confusion. And my mind came up with these things “I can’t help it, it’s not my engagement “He/she didnt invite me why should i” to run away from the guilt. Which i eventually managed to.

After the engagement had passed my guilt came back to haunt. Thoughts like

  • Why didnt u invite him/her?.
  • He/She is feeling real bad about this and has stopped talking to me
  • How do i apologize?

I recollected a small incident at that time.  One of my close friend could not invite me to meets his niece due to some reason of his. Instead of understanding him i felt angry “how can he forget me?”.

He called me. And from my voice he sensed it. He was quick to apologize. Suddenly i felt good. Was that sorry so important for me? I feel SHIT abt me if it was. Luckily for me he understood my feelings. And now i thank him. Later we meet our weekend and things were the same again

When i recollected this i felt very bad myself. I Wanted to apologies to him. For not understanding his situation. But as people say “At times is always good to leave the things in past“.  We always want to get what we have given(for E.g:- I am the one always calling, but u dont take my calls, dont message me..not fair) and thinking abt it…

Irealized that

One should not think of what has happened, but why has that happened “Its not about NO, Its about understanding why NO”. Its very difficult to look at things from others point of view but its important to make an effort to think from his view.

I dont know if i will follow this and behave like GYAN has struck me. But definitely shall be more practical and open.

One thing is for sure i will try not to expect back things just because i have given something. Expecting things back is not wrong but just because u gave him doesnt mean he should give it to you.

P.S: In case i have hurt any of YOU(my friends) and failed to understand you. I am sorry.

PS: I know its not required but i still cant stop feeling guilty about not inviting people. So incase if i had called you for the party,  i am sure u will understand me!

Thanks

Take care

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4 Responses to “Retrospection…”

  1. nitika said

    With this definitely people will get unhappy but then friends will understand“— this was best line i found in ur post madhur…. bt i guess i hav another solution to ur problem n that vl be much easier… n away from guilt… what v always do is even v just know a person or hav met him once or twice or was just our classmate or just spended some time talking or college canteen.we put them in the frame of frnds…. what is reqired is to restrict our definition of frnds to few people……… like u said frnds understand…. so u need to classify people between “frnds n aquaintances”, then automatically priorities vl get defined n u will remain away from guilt……… and this u need to do bcoz in rush of making everybody happy, u wont be able to make urself happy!!

    • Madhuresh said

      well thats true..that in rush of making everyone happy no one ends up happy. neither my frnds nor me. Your solution of differentiating between frnds and acquaintances is nice one but applicable. The concept of give and take is very important. Supposing a acquaintance of me invited me to his sis’s marriage. Now obviously he expects a call to my bro’s engagement. Its quite but natural even i would want it that way!!so even though we both are acquaintances only still i feel bad that i missed out on him..the only solution to this prob is TIME..let things heal out. As i said we move on..

      • nitika said

        i suggested u a way to priortize things….categorization is diffcult bt essential. like u earlier i also used to be caught in the same guilt bt this categorization hepled..now i m aware whom shud i invite or nt. look yar once u wll learn to make a distinction bewteen frnds n acquaintainces, then what u r sure abt is that yes u need to invite ur frnds n n regard to aquaintaines…as u said give n take is imp…u can invite the one who did u in there party, the one whom u want to as u r looking forward to be there frnd n the one who r imp to b invited cz of other imp reasons……………. and still if u missed any body then as pallavi wrote ” an apology always works”….and that wll be an end of ur guilt…. n plz for god sake stop thinking so much. the more u think the more u will feel guilty

  2. pallavi said

    seems u thnk a lot abt ur frnds….its very good bt u knw at times u r taken for granted if u gv ur frds a lottt of importnce…….ths obviously doesnt mean one shud strt avoidng their frds bt jus dnt b guilt fr those who dnt care 4 u n if by any chnce u hurt a frd of urs thn”A Sorry- direct from ur heart” will always work…..
    u hv very nicely phrased the points n ths makes ppl to thnk abt this small bt a vry important issue!!!

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