pondering life….

life thru my eyes..

Archive for the ‘Philosphical’ Category

Blast from the past!!

Posted by Madhuresh on May 31, 2010

Do we really want to know the past??

Often we ask others about their past relationships but are we ready for the answers? Why does one want to hear about the past and not respect the feelings behind or associated with those.

Is it not true that most of us want to know what happened?  But don’t really bother on why those things happened. I wonder most of the time, is it necessary to know what happened Coz past is past. It ain’t coming back. Can’t we let it be secret, somewhere closed in our memories, in our thoughts.

I went so deep into thinking and somewhere i got lost and couldn’t remember how my thoughts had led me to this question “Should anyone have any secrets to himself ?”. People have secrets because either they don’t want to face truth or they are embarrassed by the fact or too worried thinking of what will happen if others come to know.

It is clear from life experienced up till now that we all have a choice to make.  Whatever we choose reflects our personality..

I know this article is very random and it’s not making sense to me at all. Started with things about past, then got lost somewhere only to get more confused and return to secrets and then the conclusion was even more strange moving onto “choice”

If only i wasn’t lazy so as to write down at that moment, things would have been much clearer to me and to all of you. For a long time now, I have been trying to put words to thoughts, the most difficult part is that even before one completes the sentence you forget what you had thought.

It would be great if you could add somethings to make this post clearer. Things like how could I have jumped from one point to another.

So please feels free to comment..

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The magical expression

Posted by Madhuresh on May 31, 2009

In today’s busy schedule everyone is busy with their own challenges and in the bargain we hardly have any time to appreciate a good work done by others.

In less than fifteen minutes after checking in, my friend would have picked up the phone at least four time and blasted the hotel staff in front office, bell desk and room service. And all this for some silly reasons like why my bag has still not come, why the coffee has not yet been sent. I was wondering what went wrong with him and that’s when he clarifies that he had learnt a trick that works very well. He explained, “As soon as you check in at a hotel if you find some reason and fire them then they will provide special attention throughout your stay.” It was true and for the next two days he was getting ‘Royal’ Treatment wherever he went in the hotel. And finally, when he was checking out the duty manager promptly came to him and was enquiring if everything was fine in a very apologetic way. I could see my friend blushing at the treatment given to him. I am sure one would have seen a sigh of relief in staff’s face after my friend’s departure. For a moment I put myself in the shoes of the hotel staff. How miserable I would feel handling even a few customers day in, day out. If we look beyond their stylish dressing and flashy smile, I am sure, we will find a lot of agony.

A few weeks later I had a totally contrasting experience. I was traveling by air with a senior doctor. Minutes before the flight landed, the air-hostess extended a feedback form and requested me to give my feedback. I, as usual took less than a second to say “No”. She thanked me and extended the form to the doc. As soon as she left he asked me “Are you unhappy with the service provided by the crew?” I said, “Oh no! Why should I be unhappy?” He further enquired, “Then why should you not express your satisfaction through the feedback form.” Pat came my reply “Well, I am not used to all this, I normally do not feel like doing it.”

He then said,  “In today’s busy schedule everyone is busy with their own challenges and in the bargain we hardly have any time to appreciate a good work done by others. These are the opportunities where, in less than five minutes, I can pen down a few words of appreciation for someone who did a good job. It may not be a great value add for me, but imagine the huge positive impact it can make on the crew when they get to read a positive feedback about them. To me, that is of paramount importance.”

By reflex my hand went up to press the help button and asked the air-hostess to get a feedback form. That was probably the first time I was filling a feedback form with honesty. I am sure they liked it and they are looking forward for bringing me on board next time.

Since then, I make conscious efforts to give at least a few words of appreciation to whoever I meet. I could notice a genuine, happy smile on people’s face when I give them those few words of appreciation. It is really a great experience. I may not be get the ‘royal’ treatment my friend gets, but whatever I get I know is the ‘real’ treatment and I enjoy every moment of that.

A magical expression

A magical expression

Appreciation – I realized that this one small magical expression is so powerful and giving that to others not only makes the receiver happy, but looking at the receivers’ response the giver feels really wonderful..

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BEFORE I DIE!!!!

Posted by Madhuresh on December 10, 2008

It’s strange!! Recent events have made me think and write an article. Its been long since i wrote and i was finding it very difficult to write, though there were many things that i wanted to write but i had lost the focus. Thanks to DASVIDANIYA my mind started and i have got back.

My grand pa was very ill during the month’s may-June. Long sleepless nights, uneasiness, pain. Sugar problem, heart problem sever back pain had lost interest in food; television and every single thing that we associated him with had been lost.
We took him to hospital in august not very sure with the dates. Doctors esp. his heart surgeon had already told us that he is on very thin line. His heart has enlarged and is not working up. His kidney is under lot of pressure. Salts like Na, K are in huge quantities in his body.

The hospital authorities had told us that they are giving and doing their best possible medication and treatment. And even if he comes out of this dangerous situation his life will not be normal like before. Strict diet charts, lot of medicines, continuous monitoring. Imagine food with sugar and salt. YUCK. Since his kidney was under pressure less proteins. The dietitian had given a long chart with timing of what to eat at what time.

I don’t know whether it was miracle or destiny but he came out of the danger. He recovered with such a speed and to such levels that none could imagine. He did his work with his own hands eating, peeing, shit, bathing. Doing the puja to god. Watching television-strictly only few things like CID, sanskar channel. But his favorite was Dordarshan News.

He became so fine that we, family members became a little careless I must say.
After diwali, suddenly one fine day his health became weak. Vomiting s due to some reason still unknown. My uncle and dad realized that things would become worse and decided to take him to hospital. We took him to hospital on Thursday 20th Nov 2008. When we took him he was talking to us. The in charge doctor asked us “why have you bought him” his conditions is very stable nothing much to worry. Luckily the doc who was NIGHT in charge was his patient so he came down and checked. On checking we realized that his heartbeat was 20 beats per min. It was an emergency. They immediately gave him life saving injections and put an artificial pace maker.
While all this was going on we-my family was quite confident that he would come back. He recovered well atleast I felt so. I meet him on Monday he was talking very fine. Asked me everything abt exams, and even talked about NEWS. My heart was dancing.

On Tuesday night I met him at 9.30pm.cos of my sister she asked me to take blessing from granddad for the exam she had. (A relationship that we enjoyed). He again spoke well. I asked him how are u he replied I am fine. Then he asked me when are we going back home I said 2-3 days. He got angry and said he would die even if he was kept one more day.

I somehow overlooked or didn’t panic after that we sang bhajan together. Rituals that he is being doing from don’t know when. A bhajan of god. He then said jai shri Krishna. And smiled I bowed down to take his blessings. I spoke to nurse she said nothing serious but then I don’t know why she asked me would anyone be staying over in the night. She asked me to leave a contact no. And even asked the car no.

Dad got a call 5 am and they said his heartbeat was low and dying and then his soul left his body. I don’t know why but I feel he knew that he is dying.

There where two incidents
one that he told me that he didn’t want to live
and another about the nurse asking contact no. (I was there for 3 previous nights they never asked me anything)
I still don’t know whether they were indications or just mere coincidences.

In the meanwhile after watching the movie DASVIDANIYA today. I realized something.
That he recovered (after august health problem) so well. He came back to complete some works from his wish list

he celebrated diwali with us
he gave dan-charity to many places that I also don’t know.
He taught me and inspired me to read my mother tongue Gujrathi
He gave blessings to everyone
and most importantly HE WANTED A PEACEFUL DEATH.

All of these events have really moved me and I have decided to make my list of

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

I don’t know if I will be able to even make the list cos there are so many things to do. Somehow i relate myself to role played by vinay pathakin the movie “dasvidaniya”. May be cos “self-pity”

Dust can never be cleaned it can only be transfered from one place to another.

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I am COWARD

Posted by Madhuresh on October 10, 2008

My phone went “chupke se kahin dheme paon se…. phir kaise keh diya alvida”
It was my sister “Where are you? When are you coming home? Do one thing get
one medium tomato cheese pizza from softy den everyone here is hungry. If
you want you also eat something and don’t worry I will pay for it later” I
replied “ok but I will take sometime around an hour (That time I was in Mc-D
eating Mc-veggie)” hoping that she would go by herself and get the pizza.
However she replied, “we are waiting”. Now I was trapped in my own net
and would have to go else she would tell dad.
           Me along with my friend went to softy den, we both were
discussing about someone in college and I was in my own dream world
before I realized we had reached so had to disc break. The bike just
kissed bumper of another bike standing there, generally I say sorry
but this time I don’t know why but didn’t maybe cos he was throwing glares
at me as if we
had banged and broken the bumper apart in two parts (wish that would have
happen).

He: “kya dekh ke nahin chala sakta re andhe”(Cant you see and drive you
blind)

I: “kya hua re kaiko itna feeling dera. Kya tere saath aise kabhi nahi hua
kya be”(What happened why are u feeling so much for it? Something of this
sort would have happened to you)

 He: “hua re par mere me guts they bolne ko”(It happened but I had guts to
talk)

I: “mere pass bhi hai guts bolne ko” (I can also reply)

The very Next moment I felt something on my back. He hit me and was now
holding my shirt “kya guts hai tere ko? Bata ab tere guts bata?”(What guts
do you have show them)

I got down from my bike removed my helmet and then didn’t hit him back
surprising instead was trying to talk to him meanwhile all his friends there
had come and had started creating a scene. One more shot “phoood” went my
ear I was defending had my hands covering my face but still didnt hit
back. I had a strange feeling and wanted to run away from that place.
Luckily a aunty came and stopped it all. Without telling anything we
went inside, ordered pizza took the bill came out, took out my bike
went for a round around the place looking through my cell phone for
people whom I
could call I wanted to take revenge but not fight (strange na)

What had happened here was peculiar and strange, you must be wondering
whats so peculiar? The reason is Hardly 6 years ago at the same place
I had my own gang and was gang’s leaders right hand. We had many
fights there!!!
Then what had happened to me today? And why didn’t I hit back? Why? Had I
become a coward or my thinking had change suddenly? After thinking for
hour’s abt it I found that ” I was, am and will always be afraid. Yes afraid
of going against the system, always compromising and “take it lite”
attitude.” Yes I had been in fights earlier as right hand but personally
wasn’t in any fight, saw them happening, I was in charge of calling people
and never hit anyone till now.”

 Many a times had imagined myself in Rang de basanti going against the
system ready to fight, fight for justice for the truth and for my friends. I
was never the kind rather thought that I wasn’t a person who would sit back
and take things, as they would come. But what happened recently has kept me
wondering as to whether I can be the one who dares to Change the system.

Continuing with the story I decided not to call anyone and make it a big
issue (though I wanted to call pavan, kalyan, ani, som, abhishek and many
other frnds). After 2 mins went to take the delivery and there I saw all
those guys sitting inside with girls. We went and sat exactly opposite to
them & that felt good. Then my friend Pramod who spoke to one from their
group he came to our table and started talking. Before he could say anything
I told him “if I want I can call many ppl but wont cos u know that you ppl
did wrong today I got it someday you also will. Also Every time you come
here u will see my face and it will hunt you forever”. He wanted to talk for
a while but I told straight I am not interested. The girls sitting in front
were talking to main villain after sometime all of them came and said “Sorry
bhaiya girl friend ka tension tha”. I said ok then started thinking,
 are girls so dumb or they just pretend to be. How can a guy like that have a
girl and she was pretty Ok.

     Anyways at the end of the day felt happy had done Some “Gandhigiri”. I won
but I lost. Should I have banged him (1 shot would have been enough for
him). Learnt that I am a coward and need of hour is to be fit both physically
and mentally.

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Why?

Posted by Madhuresh on June 7, 2008

                 “Life has been rough in past few days”. And With pavan leaving for pune i started feeling lonely. I missed every single second spent. Those 4 years of engineering rather 3 yrs was all i could think off..i got soo frustated cos i was doing just that missing something. Hoping, though there are many friends here but i dunno y i feel so lonely maybe cos i dont appreciate what i have and crib abt what i dont.

None the less I have completely changed and now when i think about it feels a lil sad cos i feel no joy, no excitment any more…

Its bad new for vodafone as my phone bill has being going down month by month, i hardly talk or message.

Life is asking me so many questions these days and i am currently searching for answers………….

Last sunday when i read this article in TOI almost found answer to some of my questions…………………

Its amazing how human adaptability works as a wonderfull tool..we adapt to anything and everything in between birth and death. we may greive, pine, be shocked, hearthbroken, or convinced things will never be the same again.

How many times dont u say to urself its just for some time after that life will become normal but that normal means adapting to the situation.( I am sure many of US/India frnds think that way)

Life goes on, tears give away to smiles, shock to compromise and refusal to a grudging acceptance….The wistfulness regarding the loss of things of life can almost be as painfull as the bigger losses, and yet we adapt to every circumstance–most often, because we have no choice, but sometimes because we choose to move on.

 I could never imagine my house without my grand mom, she was the whole and soul of the family amazing lady( will post some other time abt her). Its more than a year and a half since she left us..and not much has changed though we all miss her but we adapt to the change

The comfort of childhood ( hum jab choote the kitna aram tha, no tension, no nothing.. everyone want to get back to those days),

sticky swetness of candies( those choco’s and candys..outside our school there was a person selling mangoes(raw) we used to call it keri(mamidikay in telugu) sold at 25pcs each peice, as a remember this i can still feel the taste), the peaceful quiet of school church, whispered nothings between friends, mom’s warmly scented hug at the doorway, the first bi-cycle ride..and many such events–are all still there but we have adapted ourselves to outgrow them.

Then there are things we cant always do much about. The loss of loved ones, cruelty around us, crimes of passion and hatred

(my mind boggles at the no. of murders that are happening plus to add to it the media. A huge cry uproar when body parts of children were found at maninder’s house, protests, police, media, protest, this that..no one even talks abt it now everything is calm and quiet, except for those who lost their loved ones,

latest incidents like chopping of a human (Mr. grover) into 300 peices..what shocks me is not that he was choped but by the press statement by syenrgy adlabs He was not working on sarkjar raj”. Have these people goone mad or something…. 

Other day in the neighbourhood kid was asking it was so innocent..”mama why are they arresting that person, he is a father, how can he kill his daughter?”questions tat are very difficult to anwser)..

And yet, give it a few days and the mind starts accepting as a reality the most horrifying crimes.

Dude qutoa’s are getting implemented..huge strikes..this, tat and wat all not..and now we all forget. i am not blaming anyone but just pointing out that we adapt ourselves to the environment.

How strange na and that is when i realized that when i say “missing u frnd” to a frnd far away whom i really miss..though he understands and responds also but that adaptabilty to him makes a difference. This answered one of the major questions in my life. That people dont ignore me or have forgotten about me its just that they have got busy in their life and once i also get busy i will no longer miss them..though i will remember them, but tat missing will not be there doesnt mean that i hav e forgotten them!!!

The fear of people forgetting you is horrible than people actually forgetting u( Hope u understood) cos if u ask other person have u forgoten me, how could u forget my birthday etc..they send a shocker reply..cos they have not forgotten u but just tat they dont remember u that often..Remembering and forgeting are different things and complicated.Doesnt make sense??its a little difficult..dont read again if you dont understand..

 There are soo many things i wanted to tell but i dont have words neither i am cleared off as to exactly how to tell all i knew that i wanted to write abt how well we adapt and its not that we forget things we just dont remember it tat often.

hope this makes some sense to people reading.

 signing off

chao

 

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A New Beginning…..

Posted by Madhuresh on August 11, 2007

On 25th july at 2am as i was just about to open the door something struck me!!A realisation that for the first time in my life i had not “CRIED” at the airport.Generally very emotional,cannot control or hide emotions especially when a freind so close to my heart was leaving.However,today was different it was not that i had controlled myself,i just wasnt feeling any emotions that very moment.In past few friends close to me kept telling “We see a different madhuresh”,never had i really concentrated on those line but now i realise!!!!Realise that….

“i have really changed”,i was still at the door wondering whether this change is for the good or the bad!!The whole scene of dinesh leaving and then pavan,rajini and most importantly seshu getting emotional had again rebuild and in the corner i was standing without any expression.

Asking myself questions like “why had i not become emotional?have i really changed so much?” i entered the room.A few steps ahead came the answer “For me this guy loved challenges and in US  he would get plenty of them.Pretty sure and confident that he would take things to a newer horizon far beyond than i have even dreamed off..It was a NEW BEGINNING”.

This Beginning was not only for him for all of us,yes all pavan,som,sheshu ani and me.

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